Why do we think What we think - Part I

 We think what we think because We are unfulfilled souls

I am one , and him being another one

We think what we think because we miss the other side of ourselves,

the one that we wish to be, the one that is greener & 

the one that we think would be happier than this one. 

We think & think, but we overthink only somethings! 

We overthink about someone or some situations we can't live without in the past or future. 

We overthink because we can't live in the present. 

I overthink about someone, during my waking hours in the day, my mindful hours 

I overthink about him, stalk, meditate, fascinate rain or shine hours 

I am writing about someone I know for 12 years but mostly through a screen 

I am writing about someone I fell for, loved, drifted & again fell for multiple times 

I am writing about someone I never touched in person, but feel his touch in every bit of my body 

I am writing about someone who I regret of not being with when I wake up every next day

life has kept us only at mercy of a smart phone for so many years, 

that he starts feeling unreal, just a fantasy, just someone in my dreams 

The most handsome, tall, dark eyed, humble voice calling my name 

I stop, stumble, turn back to see if It's him. 

 

 

Mental Fatigue

 

When Days feels longer than Life

You keep yourself Engaged & wise 

2 months in second Lockdown, Life feels like its stand still 

The lockdown fatigue sets in & bogs you down

You still smile , with the hope of getting back to normalcy,

Because one day it will & you will see. 

You will look back to these days 

And be proud of every effort you put in, to make ways.

Proud of yourself & the ones you care 

For becoming a better & stronger version of yourself, now & elsewhere. 

  

Own your decision

 12-05-21

Life has been very generous , I am grateful about that.

A loving Family is all I could ask 

But life is full of mistakes, I regret

Only if I can make it right , and not look back. 

Marrying some stranger, who doesn’t think about anyone except himself

Leaving my career, just to get married

It feels so heavenly to start with, that feeling vanishes when reality strikes. 

You make compromises to keep moving ahead in life 

Ignore your intense feelings, that may possibly arise 

When you love someone, being selfish is not in the books

Instead you dedicate yourself to their nooks. 

Becoming a mother once was one of these dedication

To kill the boredom & loneliness

However becoming a mother twice would be a compromise yet again

You do mistake once, twice & but third time it becomes a habit

I don’t want to keep letting go & compromise my life 

For other’s happiness , for their selfish desires. 

I am going to make a choice for myself today

I am going to not compromise today!

For me to be strong & selfish 

Because I exist. Like literally.

No one to appreciate. No one to care.

I have to look out for myself all bare.

I can’t bring up a child in a world of misery, pandemic & hatred. 

I can’t bring up a child with male dominance. 

I have to stand up for myself & never look back. 

 

आई.

आई. 

I made this poem few years back , writing this today on this special occasion of my mother's 60th birthday.
आई ही कविता तुझ्यासाठी खास ,

तुझ्या सावली च्या पंखाखाली,

भरारी घेण्याची ताकद आम्हाला मिळाली ,

तुझ्या मातृत्त्वाच्या ऊषाखाली ,

गोड़  स्वप्नांची झेप आम्हाला मिळाली . 

तुझ्याशिवाय आमच जगणं काय ,

आमच अस्तित्व  नाही ,

आई तूच आमची प्रेरणा ,

तुझ्याविना काहीच नाही . 

जेव्हा लागत होते ऊन ,

तू दिलस आम्हाला सावली ,

कसे फेडू तुझे ऋण ,

तूच माझी माउली . 

अशीच राहा आमच्या पाठीशी ,

जर धडपड लो  तर उचलायला 

खंबीर राहा आयुष्यभर 

चुकलो तर शिकवायला 

आजवर काही ना मागता 

खूप काही दिलंस आम्हाला 

आम्ही मात्र कधीच 

समजू शकलो नाही तुला 

आज मिळाली सुवर्ण संधी 

मानते तुझे अंनत आभार 

आई विसरू शकत नाही कधी 

थोर तुझे ते उपकार !

Louveeee...the unknown

LooouvvveeeeJ

Do I know what it is?

I wont deny that I am unaware,

Just with experience called it is,

I have become cautiously aware.

Love is blind and it makes you trust any,

You tend to see only one even when having many.

I could feel him when he was away,

Knew he wasn’t there but had something called as a ‘Hope aaray’

I dint know the feeling of hate

And I wish for him I never had to wait.

I loved to love and make him feel special,

Yes he was and will be always,

Even if he isn’t here with me to make me feel the same,

I will always be there to take the blame.

May be I don’t know how to express love to someone,

But yes, right now I fear trusting anyone!!

Thank you!

I am a little confused and anxious
Never realized till 'It' became so vicious

As I was trying to untie the knots of the weaver
I suffered from 'It' which was a undue 'mental fever'

It was well woven and knit
Complicated..
And hence called LIFE, Isn't it?

HE being the creator of all this
This being a 'bliss' , oh I wish!

Simple life..
that is something everyone wants
But it complicates further..
As is the past haunts

I was always put through turns and twists
I often could not see anything but a lot of mist

I still walked in that mist blindly
Holding on to HIS hand undoubtedly

I never questioned HIM, ' Lord, why me?'
Instead I told HIM, ' Dear Lord, You can try me!'

I can cope with anything that may follow

HIS love and merci is deep and never hollow 

Hence this fever is a piece of cake to me 

When I have HIM next to me! 

 

Time flies!

Time flies and Its so true!
It feels like days past are just two..
I am all by myself in this place
with just one known and one unknown face
Its past six months here in USA
on the  learnt lessons I can surely write an essay
It taught me to become strong
It made me correct my wrong
'Independence' they call it..is a blessing in disguise
Mom-Dad and all said 'dear use it but be wise'
Falls and failures I had many in just few months
I knew I have no one to help me with only me along with my hunts
Hunt for happiness and mental peace
I knew I can't get anything with such an ease
For something which I could do always
but realized I never used those damn expected ways
I wished I had my parents help me fix the mains
Oh..God! Yes I forgot that they send me here to explore my 'DOMAINS'