Out of Control

There are days & nights when I feel 

Out of Control & out of my own battle with life 

While tears roll down my eyes 

I wipe them to self doubt & self pity 

If I was just seriously Naive or just Stupid back then

Out of Control I was then , just 10 years back 

When I just wanted to get married and settle down 

With someone who would carry my baggage and lead me on 

I realise I was Naive and stupid to do make such influenced decisions. 

I kept on my ride and stride as a strong woman , supporting wife , unappreciated underdog 

I felt I was the leader in this journey , making my own decisions 

However realized it so late, that all my decisions aren't mine but only a sacrifice 

A compromise for a selfish dominating  husband . 

My life stands in front of me like a 

A series of regrets that I can't change.

Out of control , my life seems totally in Someone else's control. 

Rediscover your past

 The Past can be intoxicating , it can draw you in 

It can create the illusion that things were better or could have been better 

You were happier or the experiences would be richer back then 

It can also debilitate you

leaving you stuck & vulnerable in the memories of pain, heartbreak, disappointment 

holding you back from even attempting another shot at happiness 

They say if we dont learn from past mistakes, we are bound to repeat them 

But can we also learn to let go of the past 

learn to forge ahead , keeping the knowledge close 

but not letting it overtake our ability to try again, to feel again?

- Excerpt from " the last letter from your lover"